on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
We just shotgunned beers for America
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
Sorry about my life...
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
Randomize
