She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
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