im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
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