you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
Randomize
