You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
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