Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
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