im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
Randomize
