He looked way older than 15. He probably thought that since I have braces I was 15. Fuck. The 6 year age gap is never to be spoken about. Especially because what happened constitutes as illegal.
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
Randomize
