someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
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