Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
Randomize
