oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
Randomize
