Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
Send help, water and tortillas.
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
Randomize
