You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
Randomize
