I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
