my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
Randomize
