Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
Randomize
