Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
God gave him joint rollers for hands
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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