Being 21 is my favorite hobby I'm really good at it
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
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