I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
