Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
Im just a social blackout drinker.
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
She's just so happy...and so naked.
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
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