whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
