with her its the mind over matter factor, i dont mind and she dont matter
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
I just found puke in my bra..
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
