DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
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