i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
Randomize
