That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
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