I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
Randomize
