You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
Randomize
