I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
Randomize
