Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
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