my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
Randomize
