You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
Randomize
