I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
I booty called her while she was in labor.
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
Randomize
