Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
Randomize
