i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
Found the puke drawer
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
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