you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
Randomize
