I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
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