he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
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