why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
my nose is crying tears of wow.
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
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