I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
Randomize
