They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
Just pee around me
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
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