Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
Randomize
