dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
Randomize