i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
Randomize
