I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
Randomize
