haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
Randomize
