Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
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