had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
Randomize
