oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
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