dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
