Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
Randomize
